Raw with Marty Gallagher named #1 fitness podcast in Luxembourg
Where we rule: our hood, our peeps, we’re Chevy Chase and you’re not!
The runaway success of Raw with Marty Gallagher in the principality of Luxembourg has sent shockwaves through the wider podcast universe. When asked for comment Gallagher was surprisingly blasé.
“DUH! As I am sure you are well aware, Luxembourg has the highest individual income in the world, $114,000 per person last year, if my memory serves. They also have the highest average intelligence quotient (IQ) of any country in the world: 127. Of course, we’re number #1! These people are the richest and smartest people in the world! This is a nation of well-heeled sophisticates ripe for our purposefully primitive minimalistic savagery.”
When cohost Jim Steel was informed of the number 1 ranking, he jumped up, pumped his fist in the air repeatedly while screaming YES! YES! YEEESS! After he settled down, a few minutes passed and he asked, “Luxembourg? That’s in Ohio? Right?”
J.P. Brice was enthused, but as is his habit, regardless the topic, he managed to twist the conversation back around to food. “Do they (the Luxembourgians) have BBQ? Do they have crab-mac-and-cheese? Is the cheese Velveeta? If they don’t, I am not going. I cannot sustain my lean muscle mass on snails and squab.”
“Going” refers to the ongoing negotiations (allegedly) with representatives of the Royal Family to bring the threesome to L-Bourg for a celebrity tour of castles and ale houses. Gallagher was again, maddeningly blasé.
“Listen, this isn’t the only royal family we hang out with. If the money is right, if the amenities are right, if JP’s food is right, if Steel can find the place, we’ll be there. The Royals are hot for us, allegedly. We’ll see.”
Royals Of Luxembourg embrace RAW with Marty Gallagher Podcast
The Royals are hot for us: Grand Duke Henri shakes hands with some filthy rich heiress. The word on the street is the Prince wants to push his lean muscle mass up 10-kilos and finally get that 150-kilo bench press. His weakling brother, Prince Fred, (to Henri’s right) refuses to get a hair cut and is a loser.
When pressed on the Royal contacts, Gallagher grew exasperated.
“As any idiot knows, the Grand Ducal Family of Luxembourg constitutes the House of Luxembourg-Nassau, headed by the sovereign Grand Duke. Okay?? You tracking?! The throne of the grand duchy is hereditary. It consists of heirs and descendants of the House of Nassau-Weilburg, whose sovereign territories passed cognatically from the House of Nassau to a cadet branch of the House of Bourbon-Parma - itself a branch of the Spanish Royal House which is agnatically a cadet branch of the House of Capet that originated in France. Okay??”
“How many times do I have to explain this? Seriously. Grand Duke Henri is descended from the Capetian dynasty – itself a derivative dynasty from the Robertians. Okay? So, in response to your banal question, there has been initial contact between our representatives and Luxembourg-ian individuals. All you need to know is that they are on fire for us in the smartest, richest country on the face of the earth. End of interview.”
About the Author
As an athlete Marty Gallagher is a national and world champion in Olympic lifting and powerlifting. He was a world champion team coach in 1991 and coached Black's Gym to five national team titles. He's also coached some of the strongest men on the planet including Kirk Karwoski when he completed his world record 1,003 lb. squat. Today he teaches the US Secret Service and Tier 1 Spec Ops on how to maximize their strength in minimal time. As a writer since 1978 he’s written for Powerlifting USA, Milo, Flex Magazine, Muscle & Fitness, Prime Fitness, Washington Post, Dragon Door and now IRON COMPANY. He’s also the author of multiple books including Purposeful Primitive, Strong Medicine, Ed Coan’s book “Coan, The Man, the Myth, the Method" and numerous others. Read the Marty Gallagher biography here.